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Go through this sort of understanding of our bodies, but for me I had a dramatic operation that took 2 years recovering starting from eleven to thirteen and I started high school a year early at thirteen Sex dating Wau suddenly with spastic cerebral palsy that used to have my back Sex dating Wau and my knees and my feet facing each other and up on my toes Sex dating Wau a way that was obviously read by other people as disabled in ways.

I would get looks of pity looks of discomfort and in so many ways it's sort of erases from that idea of ever being attractive or being cute or all the things we call little girls growing up and then suddenly at thirteen with my back straight and my feet facing forward, even Sex dating Wau I still had an obvious limp, people read it as a temporary injury and so suddenly my body, which had been in physical therapy since I was two when I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and at very defined muscular structure was red as athletic.

Injured and so the amount of attention that was suddenly coming at me was with a little bit overwhelming from people. I remember the first time walking into high school as a thirteen year-old girl, and there was a group of boys standing in the corner, nudging each other and laughing, and I thought they were making fun of my lamp and I didn't know what to do.

I was new at this high school and finally one of them came over and I was so brace for something really hurtful um and he asked. He could show me where my class was, he could tell I was new here and so suddenly I became this sexual being that people would flirt with from time to time and it was almost jarring for me to suddenly have to understand that my body was passing at the moment even though I had this obvious land and uh the look of just sadness uh boys the gut when they found out that it wasn't temporary that this actually was a physical disability, which um then.

Oh my gosh how much time do you have left and it's like it's I'm not gonna die. It's a condition. It's not progressive and so this idea of having to continually navigate that and I would say I still navigate that now of uh that of Oh did something happen. Oh, you're disabled.

That's so sad. Oh, but you're not going to die. So maybe it's not and so that's sort of having those conversations over and over again uh throughout Sex dating Wau life as a disabled person that people sometimes misread. Yeah, I mean DR. About that, I mean you you spoke about your first experience, which was very traumatic moving from Sex dating Wau. I mean, did you find ways to negotiate and build language around having conversations in relationships about your abilities and how people could support you or how you can navigate that within the context of a relationship?

Yeah, I mean you know it was Sex dating Wau, just just listening to her story. I was thinking so the assault happened uh in February. And in March of that same year I left and flew to Germany uh for a study abroad uh in Europe for 7 months, and while I was there that completely changed my entire outlook on my entire life because on the plane on the way Sex dating Wau you Sex dating Wau the flight attendant was just like so Sex dating Wau are you doing when we land and like this was a man he was you know really attractive flight attendant for Leona and you know I'm I'm.

You know, I haven't really gone on a date. Oh, like oh. Like we've never had this opportunity and like here it is you know it's not exactly in the package that we would have thought, but you know we don't care and Sex dating Wau this is why I think that you know Ableism will change depending on the circumstances and the society in which you live in because in Europe I was constantly I opened a profile like a week after I got there and a friend help me set it up.

Uh I'm like a dating site and I legitimately had around thirty to forty individual requests every day. Hundreds of people that we're trying to like pour into my inbox because they just want to like go out and it it made me feel so much better about my life and also about the fact that the United States just doesn't know how to deal with people or partially because our culture is so repressive that it's like we don't really know how to deal with people that are different from what we expect, but you know Europe because it's the melting part of the planet I just.

People over there have a much broader understanding of different kinds of people, so it really wasn't that concerned and I dated uh another flight attendant for Sex dating Wau 6 months and he was wonderful. I mean that's so interesting that like yeah parts of our identity become more or less salient to people around us based on kind of where we are culturally as well as the face we are and our life and kind of reflecting on Julianne's story.

I mean the way that people perceived you was so Sex dating Wau from maybe how your own narrative of yourself was changing as your abilities were changing. Of your life, I mean what have you learned about kind of how you wish people communicated with you about your physical disability and how much of a Sex dating Wau of the conversation?

So at this point, you know I am much more direct and and forward about you know the kind of people I recognize that it's that it's a continuous problem Sex dating Wau the queer community at large um, but I also think that you know it's like you run.

Of finding people who find it fascinating and I have been in a couple of unfortunate situations, you know with people like people teams people who who find disability sexually attractive and it's weird because when I talk to other people with cerebral palsy and you know and disability groups about it, there are some people who haven't had the privilege to be in this um social.

With the idea, Devo, like talking to them because it's like the first time in their life that they're actually getting attention and Sex dating Wau know trying to explain that it may not be the way to the right kind of attention is is very difficult for people who you know it reminds me of a quote on Facebook.

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It's like if you've never had love on silver Sex dating Wau, then you learn to lick it off Nice and I feel like that that that quote is so apt in so many different ways because it really applies to Sex dating Wau way that able body people treat disabled people with. In in relation to relationship, but you know these days, I'm happy to keep it at night and you know it's it's people are not satisfied with that and you know they wanted a butter knife and I'm coming with a serrated edge, then they just need to to they can either get with the program or leave and you know, II recognize that you know that puts me in a situation where it's like, okay.

Not in relationship waiting on one Sex dating Wau the partners to develop a lamp or suddenly developed some kind of disfiguring condition that the other person doesn't really wanna tell you about and then they just leave you in the middle of the night because I've I've seen and read about that repeatedly during the Cot Tom of the of the New York Times, the other places, so you know, it's just one of those things like you have to uh you need to come with the all of your cars on the table in front or you Sex dating Wau well Julian II.

About kind of beyond the person that you're in a relationship with Sex dating Wau also negotiation with families and kind of pressures around pressures that people face who are in relationships with people of varying disabilities that they get from those in their lives. So can you talk a bit about how that has factored into your own experiences as you have dated over the years? Oh sure I remember um one of my first boyfriends and I would say this happens several times um his mother was really um negative.

Her body language was just hostile and I'm a communication person and I and at first, I think well, you know, maybe I'm overthinking this, you know, Sex dating Wau it got to be after a couple of months. I'm like she really does not like me and so I finally asked him, I said what is going on and he said, Well, you know, um I'm the oldest boy in his family and she's just really upset that I seem to be getting serious with someone who can't have children Sex dating Wau and I and I.

Who are you getting serious with you're dating me? I like what's going on and he's like well I you know if you having cerebral palsy and I realized we had never had a conversation that cerebral palsy and no way shape or form um impacts my fertility I've had four children um conceived and given birth naturally, and I realized that Sex dating Wau just this idea that his parents had and that he had confirmed himself just assuming that based on this diagnosis that I.

Could not have children and I think that in that in that made sense to me how he sort of would talk about sometimes about like well, you know, we won't really need a lot of birth control and these kinds of things and I was kinda wondered like what are you talking Sex dating Wau Like of Sex dating Wau, build me birth control, and I realized that at that point that he just assumed that I was unable to get pregnant because I'm disabled uh when that is in no Sex dating Wau part of my diagnosis or challenges in life in any Sex dating Wau.

So I think there are ideas of how people that even if someone. Attracted to me and it's not that I haven't had people attracted to me and I think sometimes even attracted to the disability and that idea Oh, you're small and you limp.

I just wanna carry you and take care of you, which Sex dating Wau be very problematic and a lot of different ways. Um also that idea of like even though you're sexual and sexually attracted to you, there must be part of you.

People that do not have visible disabilities or any disability at all that do you struggle with fertility and no one ever assumes that like they automatically assume it with me when that is actually not a struggle. I have it all. I wanna pause right there. We're gonna take a quick break and come back and talk more about communication and how we can communicate better about these things um and maybe educate ourselves better about all these things to have more clarity and better conversations.

Julienne Scott Pollock and DRC Barrington are both gonna stay with us as we continue our conversation on embodied on the state of things Just ahead, please stay with us. This is embodied in the state of things I'm in to going on the apps and online dating as a preferred option for many folks these days, but for people with disabilities a grinder or hinge Sex dating Wau can be a bit more stressful than for able body folks.

Is it better to show the wheelchair and profile pictures, or maybe just mentioned it after matching the stress of disclosure and the impending questions to follow can make dating incredibly tiring. Ariella Barker She's an attorney for the city of New York and former Miss Wheelchair North Carolina, a welcome to the show thanks for having me so we've been talking about communication and how to communicate um in various stages of the relationships and I'd love Sex dating Wau know for you.

What are the kinds of conversations that you want to have about your physical disability Sex dating Wau on on a first date if any at all, uh you know when I was younger, I wanted to avoid the conversation altogether. I didn't want to talk about my disability I. I felt like that was pointing out my defect because that's the way the others look at it Sex dating Wau so I felt like if I brought it up and made a Sex dating Wau of conversation, then Sex dating Wau would make the other person feel as though it was a bigger issue than it was and um and and that also came into play with the Internet dating you know I felt this so if my profile picture showed my wheelchair well, then that would immediately turn them off.

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They wouldn't wanna date me, I should I. In the profile because I don't, I didn't necessarily feel as though it define me, but later on as I had one horrible experience after the next one traumatizing experience after that, um I've realized that I wanted to have that conversation as soon as possible for nothing other than to weed out potential heartbreak um and also to better prepare that person for what.

Ahead, including what judgment or bad advice they might receive from others whenever Sex dating Wau we could potentially become a serious including their mothers. His mother's always hate me um and for for similar reasons as discussed before um primarily you know this assumption that I couldn't have children Sex dating Wau, Yeah, I'm the conversations were always.

I always found it. And Sex dating Wau it up as soon as possible.

And Julian, I know I mean there's so many assumptions that can be made both early on, but as well as even kind of once you are in a relationship based on how people experience Sex dating Wau way that you're body moves Sex dating Wau reacts to them and and when you're in relationship with folks you have to navigate that in a very particular way, I know that you experience that with kind of physical Sex dating Wau being misread in relationships because of your disability, Yes um that would happen um on a regular basis because I have a spastic cerebral palsy, which means my body tenses.

Without meaning to ten, so while that is a non verbal communication of stop, you're making me uncomfortable for partners who would know my body, they would just assume. Oh, that's nothing to pay attention to she has cerebral palsy.

Without meaning to ten, so while that is a non verbal communication of stop, you're making me uncomfortable for partners who would know my body, they would just assume.

That's just happening so even a very Sex dating Wau partner who cares about Sex dating Wau and my comfort level I would have to physically say I'm really uncomfortable.

You need to stop uh that's hurting. That's why I'm tense. Please don't do that. All partners would be safer if they just would do and so that idea of not counting on people to read your signals and telling them and being assertive of what is and is not okay. So I think in that way Having an atypical body uh gave me that level of having to be more assertive because II knew that people continually misread me right, I mean in conversations around consent and assertiveness or not something that we're very practiced at.

Definitely not something that I learned in my own sex ed uh experience growing up and I wonder for you. I mean how did you learn to best communicate about your needs and Sex dating Wau verbally was that something that came naturally to you something that you learned or something that you have to figure out uh well to echo what I said earlier, it's interesting because you know for as much as you wanna tell partners, you know that you're.

Comfortable and you know not to do certain things um I've had it uh be just the opposite as well, like I remember uh in a couple of situations where you know I was, I was dealing with someone who actually was going overboard in his care and and he was treating me like glass and you know, II basically was like you know Sex dating Wau need to realize that I was disabled.

I met you II will Sex dating Wau disabled after you leave and you know like basically, if something is going wrong like I will let you know but if I don't ever say that to you, then just assume that this is business as usual um and you know, I think that it plays into the idea that like people want to be kind uh but then you get Sex dating Wau uh you know like the very gray area where.

Can go overboard and turn into infants and so you know it's like if you do it that way you know that's not desirable either. So yeah I you know I had to I had a series of uh when I used to live in London um had a series of dates where it was like you know, I would you know, I'll Sex dating Wau inviting you guys over and you know things would just you know they were doing things that they thought were appropriate and you know I was I was in my in my head like Sex dating Wau know this is not.

And you know if if we could just talk about this, it would be much easier and so yeah. I'm I'm too old. I'm too old for this and you know this is this is a lot of it is I feel like what happens to people when they're younger than me, you know because I never got the dating phase the way I deserved and in my teenage years, you know it was delayed so I felt like I was.

Adult dating find a fuck Wau South Sudan Sex dating Wau. There's a wink feature, similar to a poke on Facebook, that Wau can use to. Courtship is the period of development towards an intimate relationship wherein a couple get to Video Dating was a way for singles to sit in front of a camera and tell whomever may be watching something about themselves. The sex of the offspring is controlled by the honey bee queens as the eggs passing through the.

With teenagers would do in my mid 20s because everything was delayed and so you know it took me a little longer than it probably would take an able body person to just kinda get over all of that and to just be very forward and you know direct with the kind of things that I like and you know it that includes sexual practices that include a list of you know, do's and don'ts you know again. I think it's hilarious that people assume that we're not actually. And the reality is you know, it's like I like a lot of things, but you have to explain that to people because otherwise they just assume that you do nothing.

And so yeah, you know, Sex dating Wau mean everybody could benefit from that. I'm curious Sex dating Wau that for you. I mean what does it look like when a partner has navigated your access needs really well like what does it look like when someone who has done something in a way that felt really good and affirming.

I'm trying to think if I've had one of those experiences um I mean IIII think that um probably the only time that I've ever had experiences like that or or where I've dated, I've been friends with the person previously, so they already know the drill and they already understand it um and Sex dating Wau it's.

Refreshing, but I don't think that I've ever I've ever dated anyone who in sanctuary understood any of those um any of those issues including access um Sex dating Wau you know mainly, it's because it's if people have never been exposed to that.

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How would how would I pick her Sex dating Wau in my car and take her there? You know a lot of people just think that you could throw any old chair and any old car and go wherever so a lot of people just don't have the knowledge Sex dating Wau understanding to know how to um you know Instinctually do things that way and I would never have an expectation of it of it starting off that way anyway.

Um II always knew that the education has to has become initially in the beginning You've. A lot about your own experience in the dating world and otherwise and have written about experiences of sexual assault, which you alluded to a little bit earlier and how they've affected your relationship Sex dating Wau your body and with potential significant others and I'd be curious to know you know how have those experience kind of shaped your feelings of vulnerability in your body and where are you with that now?

Yeah so II Sex dating Wau to your RC story really honestly made me tear up um. That that I did wrong or what it was that I could do better in the future to prevent those things from happening and so I systematically created a system with so many rules in place for my Sex dating Wau dating life to protect my safety to protect my heart that I ultimately became in a situation where I had so severely limited the amount of people that I could be.

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